Becoming Jane Shepard
by hdubs
Summary: Rated for strong language. A story about Jane Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. My Shepard is a Spacer & a War Hero, and she's mostly a Paragon but occasionally a Renegade. My first story, so please critique! Chapter 4 is now up!
1. Introductions

Hi everyone! This is my first attempt at writing something like this, so please read and critique! I hope to continue this with more chapters. Inspired by some of the other lovely stories such as those by SageQueen and Nightodie. Of course, BioWare owns Mass Effect, its characters, and a bunch of this dialogue. This is my take on parts of the story.

* * *

**Chapter One - Introductions**

_Well, what about Shepard? She's a Spacer; lived aboard starships most of her life._

_Military service runs in the family. Both her parents were in the Navy._

_She proved herself during the Blitz – held off enemy forces on the ground until reinforcements arrived._

_She's the only reason Elysium is still standing._

_We can't question her courage._

_Humanity needs a hero, and Shepard's the best we've got._

_I'll make the call._

_

* * *

_

Jane Shepard grudgingly stepped off the transport, almost leaving her duffle bag behind. Her head was still throbbing from the night before, and she cursed the Alliance brass in her mind. _Couldn't they have waited four more days to get in contact with me? Shore leave is short enough as it is. Getting called back in the middle is not my idea of fun._

It didn't take her long to find the SSV Normandy, and as much as she hated having shore leave cut short, Shepard couldn't hide the child-like excitement she felt whenever she was reassigned. All she knew about this assignment was that she would serve as the XO aboard the Normandy, under the command of Captain Anderson.

"Hey doll," someone said in a low voice, "you in the mood for a tour of this fine cruiser?"

Shepard felt her biotics flare in anger, and wheeled around to face a Marine in his dress blues. The coy expression on his face quickly changed to one of shock and fear.

"Private," she spoke steadily, "I believe the proper way to greet a superior officer is with a salute."

* * *

The humming sound began suddenly and caught Kaidan Alenko's attention. He recognized it immediately and looked up from his omni-tool. It was a sound he heard it whenever other biotics were around, but it didn't usually start up so suddenly. Then he saw a woman, maybe thirty feet from him, bathed in blue biotics. He chuckled to himself when the Private standing next to her gave a rushed salute, then bolt as soon as she turned away. _How typical_, Kaidan thought to himself, _everything changes when they find out you're a biotic_. He watched her with intrigue as she approached the Normandy, and it didn't take him long to realize who she was.

"Joker," he radioed the ship's helmsman, "tell Captain Anderson that our XO is here."

"That makes a full house, Alenko," Joker replied, "I'll let him know we've got the whole crew."

"Commander Shepard?" Kaidan gave her a stiff salute when she approached. "Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. Glad to have you on board." The hum of her biotics had changed from an urgent buzz to a calm purr, still strong, but much more controlled. He was surprised at the steadiness of the sound.

Shepard returned the salute. "Thank you, Lieutenant." _Is it just me, or is he looking at me like he knows a secret?_ "I, uh, I hope you didn't see that little incident back there."

Kaidan couldn't help but smile. "Unfortunately, Commander, I did. Privates are no good at spotting officers, so I'm glad you didn't throw him against the side of the ship, ma'am."

_Spotting officers? You'd think the uniform would give it…_ Shepard quickly looked down and realized she was not in uniform. _Shit._ She must have forgotten to change in all the rush. Her face immediately turned a bright shade of pink.

Kaidan almost blushed when she looked up at him, wide-eyed and flushed. It was then he realized how pretty she was, which immediately made him uncomfortable. "If you'd like, I can show you to the crew's quarters," he offered quickly, "you can change there, Commander."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Shepard smiled, "maybe we can just keep this between us."

"Aye aye, ma'am."


	2. Eden Prime

**Chapter 2 - Eden Prime**

"Alenko, did you know that the Commander is a Vanguard?" Joker looked over at Kaidan from the helm. "Can you believe that?"

"Well, I knew she had biotic powers…"

"Yeah, but Vanguards are close-combat specialists."

Kaidan felt the hum of biotics again, and knew that the Commander was nearby. Her biotics were like cool ocean waves. Earlier, when she was nervous, the hum had become erratic and turbulent; the calmer Shepard was much more pleasing.

"Watch it, Joker," Kaidan tried to shut him up, "that's our commanding officer you're talking about."

Joker continued. "Does Commander Shepard look that strong to you?"

_Christ, can't you take a hint?_ Kaidan's eyes narrowed and he glared at the helmsman. "Joker, you never know who might be listening."

"Come on, Alenko, loosen up. Don't you think she's a small gal? I mean, could you imagine her going toe-to-toe with a Krogan?"

Kaidan blinked. _I think I'd rather see her go toe-to-toe with an Asari_. He growled at himself. _What the hell was that, Kaidan? Keep that up and you'll be as bad as Joker one day_.

"I could go toe to toe with you, if you'd like," Shepard replied coolly. Kaidan didn't have to turn to know she had a smile on her face, but Joker stiffened in his seat as the Commander approached and gripped the back of the pilot's chair.

"_Shit." _ The helmsman muttered under his breath. "Uh… Captain's waiting for you in the com room, Commander!"

"Sorry, Commander," Kaidan apologized for the both of them.

Shepard chuckled and left the bridge, and Kaidan couldn't help but turn to get a look at her as she walked away. In the few weeks since he's met the Commander, Kaidan felt more and more drawn to her. Maybe it was the hum of her biotics…

_Snap out of it, Kaidan. She's your commanding officer. Focus on your duties._

"I'm glad she didn't kill me, Alenko," Joker laughed, "It's a good thing she's not like you. At least she has a sense of humor."

But Kaidan didn't hear a word Joker said; he was busy trying to find the source of the because the distress call that was now streaming to his monitor.

* * *

_This was supposed to be a simple pick-up. Missions are not supposed to go to hell on a damn farming planet. _

Shepard was angry. No, not angry, she was furious.

_I shouldn't have let my guard down on the way to the dig site._

At least the beacon was secure, and they found Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, but those were minor comforts.

_I shouldn't have taken so long to get to the train station._

Less than an hour ago, she was getting to know the crew. Now, both Jenkins and Nihlus were dead; that makes two people that she let down today.

_How many people died because of this Prothean piece of shit?_

Just beyond the platform of the space port, she could see the ground scorched by that monstrous ship. The sight was both heartbreaking and infuriating. Shepard shook her head and walked away from the beacon and her squad. "Normandy, the beacon is secure…"

"This is amazing! Actual working Prothean technology!" Kaidan could hardly contain his excitement. Technology had always fascinated him – he was a Sentinel, after all.

"It wasn't doing anything like that when they dug it up," Ashley replied.

"Something must have activated it," he murmured, stepping closer to examine the beacon. A million questions swam through his mind, and he hardly noticed when Ashley left his side. _What was making it glow like that? I wonder if I can scan it with my omni-tool. Is there a data cache to download? _

The green glow of the beacon suddenly intensified, and his ears started to ring. Then Kaidan felt it; like the pull of a strong singularity, the beacon was drawing him closer and closer. His boots didn't offer nearly enough traction against the metal platform, and he began sliding towards the eerie green glow. Kaidan had no idea what would happen if the beacon sucked him in, and he really didn't care to find out.

The next thing Kaidan felt was somebody tackling him and shoving him to the ground. The Commander had knocked him out of the way, but had no chance to escape the pull of the beacon. _Shit! What did I do?_

Another flash, and the beacon lifted Shepard off the ground. "Shepard!" Kaidan struggled desperately to get to his feet.

"No! Don't touch her!" Ashley yelled as she held him back, "It's too dangerous!"

They looked in shock as their Commander struggled in midair. The beacon burned in a halo of bright green light, then shattered in a blinding explosion. The blast knocked Shepard back at least twenty feet, and she landed with a sickening thud in front of the two horrified marines. The ringing in Kaidan's ears was gone now; so was the hum of Shepard's biotics. Waves of guilt washed over Kaidan as he rushed to her body. _Kaidan, you fucking idiot._

"Williams! Radio for a CASEVAC!" Kaidan medic training flooded back to him as he began scanning Shepard for injuries.

_It should have been you, Kaidan._


	3. Nightmares

**Chapter 3 - Nightmares**

Kaidan sat in the medical bay, feeling defeated, as he watched Doctor Chakwas performs scans on Commander Shepard. The coffee that Ashley brought to him was getting cold. _This was your fault, Kaidan. You should have been more careful._

"No fractures, no internal trauma," the doctor was speaking into her omni-tool, preparing a report on the incident. "Minor cut on the forehead, but medi-gel has already healed that nicely. Shouldn't leave a scar."

The last hour seemed to be nothing but a blur. Kaidan remembered barking orders at Ashley at the spaceport and carrying the Commander to the Normandy. He remembered taking a ground team to recover Jenkins and Nihlus, then returning to the Normandy and standing in the shower for what seemed like hours. He even managed to convince Captain Anderson that his medic and tech training might be useful to Doctor Chakwas. Not that he was actually doing anything to help her.

"How are you holding up, Lieutenant? I know you and Jenkins were friends."

Kaidan sighed. He was all too familiar with losing friends, but it wasn't usually so… permanent. "I've never lost anyone under my command," he replied, "not to hostile combat anyway. But, I'm a Marine; it comes with the territory."

Doctor Chakwas nodded, then smiled a sad smile. "Do you remember that time when Jenkins asked you to show him your biotic skills? He got so excited when he found out you were a Sentinel."

Kaidan smiled at the memory. Jenkins was a nice kid. He couldn't have been more than twenty-five years old, and still had the enthusiasm of youth.

"If I remember correctly," the Doctor continued, "he asked you to throw him against a wall!"

"That he did," Kaidan chuckled, "and then he asked you to be ready to patch him up if he broke anything."

"Oh Corporal Jenkins," she said softly, eyes glistening a little, "I thought he was going to need me too, when he just lay on the ground after the throw."

"You were so upset, you yelled at me! 'Lieutenant, what have you done?'" The both laughed at Kaidan's impersonation of the Chakwas. "And then he bolted up, bright-eyed, and shouted 'that was awesome!' He wouldn't leave me alone the rest of the day."

Jenkins was a good kid, and he was dead. The air in the med bay fell silent again.

Doctor Chakwas raised her coffee mug. "To Jenkins," she said, her voice strong and proud.

"To Jenkins."

* * *

Warmth. Shepard didn't know where she was, but she felt safe. The sky was a pleasant shade of purple; the air flowed around her like water. Voices drifted around her – people laughing and talking in a language she didn't understand. A woman cradled Shepard in her arms; she looked like an older, larger version of Jane. "Hi sweetheart," the woman smiled, "are you ready to go home?"

Shepard reached out to touch her, but the woman had turned her gaze to the sky. The world suddenly became dark and cold; the voices began to speak in low and worried tones. "What's happening?" Shepard asked.

"It's not safe," the woman sounded scared, "I have to hide you." With tears streaming down her face, woman picked Shepard up and set her down inside a box. "I'm sorry, baby, but I can't come with you." The woman turned and ran, and in that moment, the world seemed to collapse.

Blood. Everywhere Shepard looked, there was blood. The foreign voices were replaced by screeching metal; the purple sky with blinding flashes of yellow and green. Someone was screaming in terror; it took Shepard a few seconds to realize that she was the one doing it.

* * *

_Holy shit._

When the mug in Doctor Chakwas' hand shattered, both she and the Lieutenant jumped. It took them a second to realize that the Commander was ablaze in blue biotics, screaming bloody murder. She threw her biotics blindly, with her eyes squeezed shut and her face contorted in fear. Kaidan's heart twisted to see her like this.

"Shepard!" Kaidan pulled a biotic barrier over himself and rushed to the bed, pulling her into his body. He held her still while Doctor Chakwas quickly jabbed a sedative into her arm.

Shepard's eyelids flew open. "No! Don't leave me! Don't leave…"

Kaidan felt her slowly go limp in his arms; her caramel colored eyes dilated and lost focus, but she gazed at him for a few moments longer. He wanted to shoot himself for putting her through this.

"That should put her out for at least half the day," Doctor Chakwas mumbled, "maybe I'd better do another brain scan after I clean up."

Kaidan gently set his commander back on the bed, and for the first time in his life, he felt completely helpless.


	4. Med Bay

_Sorry this one took so long! I got distracted by ME2... Please read and let me know your thoughts!_

**Chapter 4 - Med Bay**

_Ow._

_OW. _Shepard whimpered. The last time her body ached like this was when some asshole back at basic convinced her she could 'phase straight through solid objects' if she used a biotic charge.

_What the hell?_ _Where am I?_

"Doctor? Doctor Chakwas? I think she's waking up."

Shepard jerked and sat up. The sudden movement made the room start spinning, and she held her head in her hands. It took a few seconds for her eyes to focus, but when Shepard realized she was in the med bay, she reflexively patted herself down, checking for injuries. Slowly, the memories from Eden Prime returned.

"You had us worried there, Shepard," Chakwas said as she handed the Commander a glass of water, "how are you feeling?"

"Like the morning after shore leave," Shepard groaned, "but a few painkillers should get me up to speed. I need to go back out there and get Jenkins and Nihlus, and then there's the science team…"

"Commander," Chakwas put a hand on her shoulder, "Lieutenant Alenko has already seen to that. You've been out for almost fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon, I think." Shepard stared at the doctor, dumbfounded.

For Kaidan, they were fifteen terrible hours in which he mentally kicked himself for his technical curiosity. He didn't feel any less guilty now than when the beacon first exploded.

"It's my fault," Kaidan rambled, "I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way. The beacon exploded…"

"Lieutenant…" Shepard tried to interrupt.

"… some kind of system overload, maybe. I should have seen it coming with that green glow, but it was too late. The blast knocked you cold. Williams and I had to carry you back here to the ship, and…"

"Lieutenant!" The voice was stern, and Kaidan expected a tongue-lashing; instead, the Commander looked at him with sympathetic eyes. "It's not your fault. You had no way to know what would happen," she said as she reached out to shake his hand, "thank you for bringing me back."

Kaidan managed to maintain professional, giving her a nod and a smile; inside, however, he could have sworn he felt his heart skip a beat. A shimmer of biotic static coursed through him when he took her hand, and Kaidan began hoping that if he ever got the chance to hold her in his arms again, it would be under different circumstances.

As if on cue, Captain Anderson entered the med bay as soon as Kaidan's mind began to wander, snapping the Lieutenant back to the real world. Before he knew it, both he and Doctor Chakwas had relocated to the mess hall while the Captain and the Commander spoke in private.

"Relax, Lieutenant," the Doctor spoke in her usual motherly voice as she handed Kaidan a cup of coffee. "The Commander is alright, and I don't think our cups are going to explode; I'd say this day is getting better by the minute."

Kaidan thanked her for the coffee, but his mind loitered back to thoughts of Shepard, of how warm she felt when he held her close. _Stop that, Kaidan, she's your commanding officer. _He coughed uncomfortably.

"So the Commander is awake now?" Ashley asked as she approached the dining table. "I'm sure everyone will be glad to hear that."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes and glance over at Gunnery Chief. _Did I just hear sarcasm in her voice?_ Kaidan decided to let it slide; Shepard didn't really need him defending her anyway.

* * *

Shepard and Anderson talked briefly about Jenkins' death, Williams' assignment, the mess on Eden Prime, and even her health. She told the Captain that she was feeling fine, but in truth, she still felt a little dazed and was glad she could lean on the bed for support. She told him about the vision she saw before the beacon exploded and omitted the dream she had of the Lieutenant holding her in his arms, eyes full of emotion. The thought alone made her feel unprofessional and uncomfortable.

"You said you wanted to speak to me in private?" Shepard asked in order to divert the conversation.

Captain Anderson paced around the med bay, then finally braced himself on Chakwas' table and sighed.

"I won't lie to you, Shepard," he said, sounding disappointed, "things look bad."

The Captain then proceeded to blindside Shepard, telling her about Saren, the rogue Spectre, and Shepard's own Spectre candidacy, now exceedingly tenuous because of Eden Prime. Shepard was adrift in a sea of emotions: honored that she was considered, upset that she failed, and even betrayed that Anderson hadn't informed her sooner.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Although she'd only spent a few weeks under his command, Shepard already saw the Captain as a mentor.

Captain Anderson rubbed his temples. "It was on a need to know basis. I wanted to let you know when I was briefing you about the beacon, but the distress signal cut that meeting short."

Shepard nodded. _It was on a need to know basis, and you didn't need to know._ "So what happens now?"

The Captain paused for a moment before straightening up. The defeat and disappointment that seemed to surround him before was gone in a heartbeat.

"Now, we head for the Citadel."


End file.
